Giving Feedback: Why Most Teams Have Too Little of It

"Can you give me more feedback?"

Tech leaders hear this request constantly. And yet most give too little feedback – or the wrong kind.

The problem: Giving feedback is uncomfortable. It feels risky. So we avoid it or package it so much that the message gets lost.

Why Feedback Is So Important

The Feedback Gap

WHAT EMPLOYEES WANT:
- Know where they stand
- Understand how to improve
- Recognition for good work

WHAT THEY GET:
- Annual performance review
- Vague statements ("Going well")
- Criticism only when it's too late

The ROI of Good Feedback

The Feedback Paradox

THE LESS FREQUENT FEEDBACK:
→ The bigger the occasion must be
→ The harder the conversation
→ The more avoidance
→ The less frequent feedback
(Vicious cycle)

THE MORE FREQUENT FEEDBACK:
→ The more normal it becomes
→ The easier the conversation
→ The more trust
→ The more frequent feedback
(Virtuous cycle)

The Two Types of Feedback

1. Appreciative Feedback (Positive)

Purpose: Reinforce good behavior, increase motivation.

BAD (vague):
"Good job!"

BETTER (specific):
"Your documentation of the API design was excellent.
Especially the section on edge cases helped me
identify potential problems early. That will save us
a lot of debugging time later."

2. Constructive Feedback (Corrective)

Purpose: Change behavior, enable development.

BAD (attacking):
"Your code is bad."

BETTER (constructive):
"I noticed the function X has multiple
responsibilities. If we split it up,
it becomes more testable and easier to maintain.
What do you think?"

The Ratio

Research shows: The optimal ratio is about 5:1 (positive to constructive).

WHY?

TOO MUCH CONSTRUCTIVE (1:1 or less):
→ Demotivation
→ Defensive attitude
→ Feedback is rejected

TOO MUCH POSITIVE (10:1 or more):
→ Constructive feedback isn't taken seriously
→ No development
→ Blind to own weaknesses

OPTIMAL (5:1):
→ Trust as foundation
→ Constructive feedback is accepted
→ Continuous development

Framework 1: SBI (Situation-Behavior-Impact)

The simplest and most effective framework for feedback.

The Structure

S - SITUATION:  When and where did it happen?
B - BEHAVIOR:   What exactly did you observe?
I - IMPACT:     What effect did it have?

Examples

Positive Feedback:

SITUATION:
"In the sprint planning yesterday..."

BEHAVIOR:
"...you clearly named the technical risks
and suggested alternatives..."

IMPACT:
"...as a result we could plan the scope realistically
and avoid overload in the sprint."

Constructive Feedback:

SITUATION:
"In the code review this morning..."

BEHAVIOR:
"...you commented on the PR with 'That's wrong, do it
differently' without explaining why..."

IMPACT:
"...that led to the junior developer being frustrated
and not knowing how to improve."

Why SBI Works

1. Specific: No vague statements
2. Objective: Observation, not interpretation
3. Understandable: Recipient understands context
4. Actionable: Clear what should change

Framework 2: COIN (Context-Observation-Impact-Next)

An extension of SBI with a clear action step.

The Structure

C - CONTEXT:      What's this about? Why are we talking?
O - OBSERVATION:  What did I specifically observe?
I - IMPACT:       What effect did it have?
N - NEXT:         What do I expect as the next step?

Example

CONTEXT:
"I want to talk to you about communication in the team,
because that's important for our collaboration."

OBSERVATION:
"In the last three standups I noticed that you
gave very short answers – 'fine' or 'all good' –
even when I know you're working on complex topics."

IMPACT:
"That makes it hard for me to assess if you need support,
and the team doesn't understand what you're working on.
That leads to silos."

NEXT:
"I'd like you to share the 'what' and 'where I need help'
in standup – even when everything's fine.
Can we try that?"

Framework 3: Radical Candor

Kim Scott's framework is based on two dimensions:

                    CARE PERSONALLY
                          ↑
                          │
        Ruinous          │          Radical
        Empathy          │          Candor
        (Nice but        │          (Direct because
         not helpful)    │           you care)
                          │
    ←─────────────────────┼───────────────────────→
                          │           CHALLENGE
    Manipulative         │          DIRECTLY
    Insincerity          │
    (Neither honest      │          Obnoxious
     nor caring)         │          Aggression
                          │          (Direct without
                          │           caring)
                          │
                          ↓

The Four Quadrants

Radical Candor (Goal):

• You tell the truth because the person matters to you
• Direct AND caring
• "This doesn't work, and here's why. Let's find a solution together."

Ruinous Empathy (Most Common Mistake):

• You don't want to hurt, so you say nothing
• Nice, but not helpful
• "All good!" (even though there are problems)

Obnoxious Aggression:

• You tell the truth, but without consideration
• Direct, but hurtful
• "This is bad. Redo it."

Manipulative Insincerity:

• Neither honest nor caring
• Talking behind backs, passive-aggressive
• "Yeah, great..." (then complaining to others)

Radical Candor in Practice

RUINOUS EMPATHY (what we often do):
"The presentation was... interesting."
(Actually: The presentation was chaotic)

RADICAL CANDOR (what we should do):
"I want to help you give better presentations,
because that's important for your career. The structure
was hard to follow today. Should we go through it
together before the next one?"

Feedback in Typical Tech Situations

In Code Review

BAD:
"That's wrong."
"Why did you do it this way?"
"LGTM" (without real review)

BETTER:
"I see you chose approach X. Tell me more
about your thought process."
[Listen]
"Interesting. Did you also consider [alternative]?
I ask because [reason]."

"I like how you solved [specific thing].
One small thing: At this point we could [suggestion]."

In 1:1s

STRUCTURE FOR FEEDBACK IN 1:1:

1. Announce:
   "I have feedback for you."

2. Apply SBI/COIN:
   [Situation] [Behavior] [Impact] [Next]

3. Give space:
   "How do you see it?"

4. Find solution together:
   "What could we do differently?"

5. Agree on follow-up:
   "Let's check next week how it's going."

With Performance Problems

TIMING: Address early, don't wait

STRUCTURE:
1. Clarity about expectation:
   "The expectation is X."

2. Observation:
   "I observe Y."

3. Gap:
   "There's a gap between X and Y."

4. Support:
   "How can I help you close this gap?"

5. Timeline:
   "I expect to see improvement in [timeframe]."

6. Consequence (if needed):
   "If nothing changes, we need to talk about [consequence]."

After an Error/Incident

NOT:
"How could this happen?"
"Who's to blame?"

BETTER:
"Let's understand what happened – not to assign
blame, but to learn."

AFTERWARDS (if individual feedback needed):
"I noticed that [observation]. That had
[impact]. For the future, I'd like
[specific suggestion]. What do you need for that?"

Receiving Feedback

Giving feedback is only half the equation. Receiving feedback is equally important.

As a Recipient

1. LISTEN (don't defend)
   - Don't interrupt
   - Don't explain/justify
   - Really want to understand

2. ASK FOLLOW-UP
   - "Can you give me an example?"
   - "What should I have done differently?"
   - "What would it look like if I did this well?"

3. THANK
   - Giving feedback is hard
   - Show appreciation
   - "Thanks for bringing this up."

4. REFLECT
   - Don't react immediately
   - Let it sink in
   - Then decide what you accept

As a Leader: Request Feedback

NOT:
"Do you have feedback for me?"
(Answer: "No, everything's good.")

BETTER:
"What's one thing I could do better?"

EVEN BETTER:
"Last week I [situation]. How did I handle that
from your perspective? What could I have done
differently?"

The Most Common Feedback Mistakes

1. The Feedback Sandwich

MYTH:
Positive → Negative → Positive
"You're great. That was bad. You're great."

PROBLEM:
- People just wait for the "but"
- Positive feedback is devalued
- Message gets lost

BETTER:
Give constructive feedback directly.
Positive feedback separately, when it's genuine.

2. Delayed Feedback

BAD:
"In the performance review 6 months ago..."

WHY IT DOESN'T WORK:
- No more context
- No memory
- No opportunity for correction

RULE:
Feedback within 24-48 hours.
The fresher, the more effective.

3. Interpretation Instead of Observation

BAD:
"You're unmotivated." (Interpretation)

BETTER:
"You've missed the last three deadlines and
said little in standup." (Observation)

"I interpret that as possible demotivation.
Is that right? What's going on?"

4. Public Criticism

RULE:
Praise publicly, criticize privately.

PUBLIC CRITICISM:
- Shames
- Creates defensiveness
- Destroys psychological safety

EXCEPTION:
Behavior affecting others in the room
(e.g., interrupting someone in a meeting)
→ Even then: factual and brief

5. Only Negative Feedback

PROBLEM:
If feedback = criticism, then:
- People avoid feedback conversations
- Good work is ignored
- Motivation drops

SOLUTION:
Actively look for positive things.
Aim for 5:1 ratio.
Good work isn't self-evident.

Building a Feedback Culture

As a Leader

1. LEAD BY EXAMPLE
   - Give feedback regularly yourself
   - Request feedback yourself
   - Accept feedback publicly

2. NORMALIZE
   - Establish feedback as part of work
   - Ask for feedback in 1:1s by default
   - Use retrospectives

3. CREATE PSYCHOLOGICAL SAFETY
   - No negative consequences for honest feedback
   - Treat mistakes as learning opportunities
   - Actively build [Psychological Safety](/en/blog/psychological-safety-tech-teams)

4. TRAINING
   - Train team in feedback techniques
   - Introduce SBI/COIN
   - Practice, practice, practice

In the Team

RITUALS:
- Retros with explicit feedback part
- "Kudos" at end of meetings
- Peer feedback in code reviews

TOOLS:
- Slack channel for kudos
- 15Five or similar for regular feedback
- Peer review as part of performance management

LANGUAGE:
- "I have feedback" as a normal sentence
- "What would you have done differently?" as normal question
- "Thanks for the feedback" as normal reaction

Conclusion: Feedback as a Gift

Giving feedback is an act of care. You invest time and emotional energy to help someone else get better.

Core Principles:

1. Early and often: Don't wait until it's too late
2. Specific: SBI/COIN instead of vague statements
3. Balance: 5:1 positive to constructive
4. Direct and caring: Radical Candor
5. Private: Never criticize publicly

Your Challenge for This Week:

Give three people on your team specific, positive feedback. Use SBI. Observe what happens.

Then: Give one person constructive feedback you've been avoiding. Again: SBI. The moment will be uncomfortable. The result will be worth it.

Want to understand how to give feedback so it truly lands? Our guide to Active Listening shows how to master the other side of the conversation. Related: Unconscious Bias.