Constructive Criticism: Why How You Say It Matters More Than What You Say

"You did that wrong."

This sentence contains information: Something didn't go right. But it contains no help. No direction. No motivation for improvement.

Constructive criticism is different. It doesn't just show the problem – it also shows the path to the solution.

What Makes Criticism Constructive?

Destructive vs. Constructive Criticism

The Anatomy of Constructive Criticism

CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM CONTAINS:

1. CONTEXT
   When and where did it happen?

2. OBSERVATION
   What exactly did I perceive?

3. IMPACT
   What effect did it have?

4. EXPECTATION
   What would have been better?

5. SUPPORT
   How can I help?

Why Constructive Criticism Is So Hard

The Dilemma

WHEN YOU GIVE CRITICISM:
- You risk the relationship
- You feel uncomfortable
- You don't know how the other will react

WHEN YOU DON'T GIVE CRITICISM:
- The problem remains
- The person doesn't learn
- It escalates later

→ Constructive criticism is the way out of the dilemma

The Most Common Excuses

"I don't want to hurt them" → Silence isn't nicer. It takes away the chance for improvement.

"It's not that important" → If it bothers you, it's important enough.

"They probably know it themselves" → Often not. People have blind spots.

"I'm not in a position to" → Anyone can give constructive criticism, regardless of hierarchy.

Techniques for Constructive Criticism

Technique 1: I-Statements

Instead of attacking the other person, describe your own perception.

YOU-STATEMENT (ATTACK):
"You constantly interrupt me."

I-STATEMENT (OBSERVATION):
"I've noticed that in recent meetings I often
couldn't finish speaking. That frustrates me
because I can't complete my thoughts."

The formula:

"I observed/noticed [observation]. That leads to [feeling/impact] for me, because [reason]."

Technique 2: Specific Instead of General

Avoid words like "always," "never," "constantly," "typical."

GENERAL (NOT HELPFUL):
"You're never on time for meetings."

SPECIFIC (HELPFUL):
"In the last three standups you were 5-10 minutes
late. That interrupts the flow and we have
to repeat things."

Technique 3: Behavior, Not Character

Criticize what someone does – not who someone is.

CHARACTER (ATTACK):
"You're sloppy."

BEHAVIOR (CONSTRUCTIVE):
"This PR is missing unit tests for the new
functions. That increases the risk of bugs
in production."

Why this matters:

• Character feels unchangeable → Defensiveness
• Behavior is changeable → Openness

Technique 4: Future-Oriented

Focus on what should get better – not on the past.

PAST (BLAME):
"Why didn't you say that earlier?"

FUTURE (SOLUTION):
"How can we make sure such blockers
become visible earlier?"

Technique 5: Questions Instead of Statements

Questions invite reflection and avoid defensiveness.

STATEMENT:
"You should have done that differently."

QUESTION:
"What do you think could work better
next time?"

Strong questions:

• "How do you see the situation?"
• "What would you do differently next time?"
• "What do you need to improve this?"
• "How can I support you?"

Conducting the Critical Conversation

Preparation

BEFORE THE CONVERSATION:

1. GET CLARITY
   - What exactly is the problem?
   - What is the goal of the conversation?
   - What outcome do I want?

2. GATHER EXAMPLES
   - Note specific situations
   - Facts, not interpretations

3. CHOOSE TIMING
   - Not in passing
   - Not in stressful situations
   - Timely, but not in the heat of the moment

4. PLAN SETTING
   - Private, not public
   - Uninterrupted
   - Eye level (both sitting or standing)

Flow

PHASE 1: OPENING (2 min)
- Positive start
- Announce topic
- Set the frame

"I value our collaboration and want to
address something I've noticed."

PHASE 2: OBSERVATION (3 min)
- Describe specific situation
- Facts, no judgment
- I-perspective

"In the last two code reviews I noticed
that..."

PHASE 3: IMPACT (2 min)
- Explain the impact
- Why it matters

"That leads to..."

PHASE 4: GET PERSPECTIVE (5 min)
- Listen
- Want to understand
- Don't defend

"How do you see it?"

PHASE 5: DEVELOP SOLUTION (5 min)
- Brainstorm together
- Concrete next steps
- Offer support

"What could help?"

PHASE 6: CLOSING (2 min)
- Summarize
- Get commitment
- End positively

"Thanks for being open to this."

After the Conversation

1. AGREE ON FOLLOW-UP
   - When do we check in?
   - How do we measure improvement?

2. SELF-REFLECT
   - How did the conversation go?
   - What would I do differently?

3. REINFORCE POSITIVE
   - If improvement happens: Acknowledge it!
   - Don't only criticize, also praise

Constructive Criticism in Tech Situations

In Code Review

DESTRUCTIVE:
"That's bad."
"Why did you do it that way?"
"Wrong."

CONSTRUCTIVE:
"I see you chose approach X. I'd suggest
Y because [reason]. What do you think?"

"This function does multiple things. If we
split it up, it becomes more testable. Should
I show you what I mean?"

"There's still an edge case missing here: What
happens when [situation]? Could you cover that?"

With Missed Deadlines

DESTRUCTIVE:
"You missed the deadline again."

CONSTRUCTIVE:
"The feature didn't get finished. Let's
understand what happened. [Listen]

How can we recognize earlier next time
when things are getting tight? And: What
do you need from me so this doesn't
happen again?"

With Communication Problems

DESTRUCTIVE:
"You never inform us in time."

CONSTRUCTIVE:
"I noticed that I only learned about the
blocker in standup, even though it had
existed for two days.

I understand you first wanted to try solving
it yourself. For the future, I'd like you to
let us know after half a day – even if you're
still working on it. Then we can decide together
if we need to bring in help."

With Quality Problems

DESTRUCTIVE:
"Your code has too many bugs."

CONSTRUCTIVE:
"In the last two sprints we had several
bugs in features you worked on.
I want to understand why.

Is testing time too tight? Are requirements
unclear? Or is there something else?

Let's figure out together how we can
improve quality."

Common Mistakes to Avoid

Mistake 1: The Sandwich

THE SANDWICH:
Praise → Criticism → Praise

"You're a great developer. But your code
is unreadable. But you're really an asset
to the team."

WHY IT DOESN'T WORK:
- People just wait for the "but"
- Praise becomes unbelievable
- Criticism gets packaged instead of clear

BETTER:
Give criticism directly and respectfully.
Give praise separately and genuinely.

Mistake 2: Postponement

TYPICAL:
"I'll bring it up in the next 1:1."
"Not now, things are stressful."
"I'm waiting for the right moment."

RESULT:
- Problem escalates
- Frustration builds up
- Feedback comes too late

RULE:
Feedback within 48 hours.
The "right moment" is now.

Mistake 3: Reading Between the Lines

TYPICAL:
"Well, that's... interestingly solved..."
(Actually: That's bad)

"Maybe one could possibly..."
(Actually: Do it differently)

WHY IT DOESN'T WORK:
- Message doesn't land
- Misunderstandings arise
- You frustrate yourself because nothing happens

BETTER:
Be clear and direct.
Polite ≠ Unclear

Mistake 4: Public Criticism

NEVER:
- Criticize in meetings in front of everyone
- Call out in Slack channels
- Address mistakes in front of the team

ALWAYS:
- Criticism in private
- 1:1 or in person
- Maintain respect

EXCEPTION:
Behavior that must be addressed in the moment
(e.g., interrupting someone in a meeting) → Brief and factual

Mistake 5: Without a Solution

PROBLEM:
"That's not good enough."
(And then? What should they do?)

BETTER:
"That's not good enough because [reason].
I would suggest [concrete suggestion].
What do you think?"

Receiving Criticism

Giving constructive criticism is only half the equation. Receiving it is equally important.

The Natural Reaction

WHEN WE HEAR CRITICISM:

1. SHOCK/SURPRISE
   "What? Me?"

2. DEFENSIVENESS
   "That's not true / Yes, but..."

3. COUNTER-ATTACK
   "You do that too!"

4. WITHDRAWAL
   "Okay, whatever you say."

NONE OF THESE REACTIONS IS HELPFUL.

A Better Reaction

1. PAUSE
   - Breathe
   - Don't react immediately
   - Regulate emotions

2. LISTEN
   - Really want to understand
   - Don't wait for counter-arguments
   - Ask if unclear

3. THANK
   - "Thanks for the feedback"
   - Mean it
   - Giving feedback is hard

4. REFLECT
   - Don't judge immediately
   - Let it sink in
   - What might be true?

5. ACT
   - What do I accept?
   - What do I change?
   - What do I need for that?

Asking Follow-Up Questions

HELPFUL QUESTIONS:

"Can you give me an example?"
"What would have been better from your perspective?"
"What would it look like if I did this well?"
"What should I specifically do differently?"
"How would you prioritize this?"

Building a Feedback Culture

As a Leader

1. LEAD BY EXAMPLE
   - Give constructive criticism yourself
   - Request feedback yourself
   - Publicly admit mistakes

2. PSYCHOLOGICAL SAFETY
   - Mistakes as learning opportunities
   - No punishment for honesty
   - Build [Psychological Safety](/en/blog/psychological-safety-tech-teams)

3. NORMALIZE
   - "I have feedback for you" as a normal phrase
   - Regular, not just when there are problems
   - In both directions

In the Team

RITUALS:
- Code review guidelines with feedback standards
- Retros with explicit feedback part
- Normalize peer feedback

LANGUAGE:
- "Constructive criticism" instead of "criticism"
- "Feedback" instead of "complaint"
- "Learning opportunity" instead of "mistake"

Conclusion: Criticism as a Gift

Giving constructive criticism means investing time and emotional energy to help someone else get better.

That's a gift – when it's properly packaged.

Core Principles:

1. Behavior, not person: What someone does, not who someone is
2. Specific, not general: Concrete examples, no generalizations
3. Future, not past: Focus on improvement
4. Private, not public: Maintain respect
5. With solution, not just problem: Show the path to improvement

Your Challenge:

Think of criticism you've been putting off. Formulate it according to the principles in this article. Have the conversation this week.

The other person will thank you – maybe not immediately, but in the long run.

Want to learn more about effective feedback? Our comprehensive guide to Giving Feedback shows more frameworks and techniques for different situations.